Their True Feelings
by vamphony
Summary: Post 5x16. Damon won't pretend any longer, he won't let her either. It's time they sat down and discussed how they truly feel. However, Elena wont let that their bad together go but even the universe won't let her lie anymore.


The vampire virus was slowly making it's way out of their blood stream as the only noise in the entire room was the fire crackling.

Damon held up a glass of Bourbon and Elena shook her head. A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye but she wiped it away as if it never happened. Which didn't go unnoticed by the vampire across the room.

Neither knew what to say or even where to start.

Instead they kept quiet.

Elena screamed internally at her former lover. She wanted to hate him for killing Aaron. Believing Katherine. She didn't so she stood not uttering a single word.

Damon _hated_ no he was _loathing_ himself. If anything before didn't hit the nail in the coffin, when he broke up with her the first time, being locked up, leaving his friend to die, killing an entire family for decades, this surely did. X marks the spot. Done. Nada. Terminado. He killed her friend for breaking his heart and come to find out, it wasn't even her. He screamed, 'Monster!' On the inside, he knew everyone else was dying to say. Even Elena.

"Damon," Elena breathed, gathering courage to speak to her former lover. There was two options for them. She could forgive him and they would go about their relationship like nothing happened, but it would be a _lie._ Their relationship.

It was toxic.

Nothing ever good will come from it anymore. It can't be _fixed._

So, she chose options number two. She'll walk away. The longer they held on, the more destruction it would cause both them and their friends. Her friends. Her brother. His brother.

It was time.

"I don't know what to say" Elena said, waving her hand in the air. She held back the love that returned the moment she saw Damon. She wanted to run into his arms. Cry. Complain. Smile. Kiss. Have sex.

She couldn't do that anymore.

She _wouldn't._ Not after this.

"Say what you really _want_ to say, Elena" Damon spit, taking a sip of the Bourbon. The tension in his body was begging to be released one way or another. But, he couldn't touch her like that anymore. She didn't want him, anymore. He screwed up too bad.

His worst fear had been realized.

He doesn't deserve happiness. The whole reason this was happening right now. His screw ups, his mistakes, the ones he kept making all over again. Especially _not_ with an angel like Elena.

"I'm a monster. That's what you wanna say. Everybody does!" Damon screamed, his hand gripping the glass cup and it shattered in his hands. He flicked the glass on the floor in disgust.

"You've finally realized it too. A monster can't be saved. None of your psychoanalyzing bullshit can help, anymore"

"Damon-" She started.

"No, Elena!" Damon yelled over her. He finally turned to her, "I'm a monster. Even when I had the _best_ thing that ever happened to me, I still killed people. When you didn't want me too. When you didn't like it. I screwed up, _again._ I ruined everything, _again"_ The fire crackled as the couple stood, facing one another.

"I want you to say it" Damon said.

Elena huffed and rolled her eyes at her former lover, "Say what Damon?"

"That I'm a monster" He whispered, his gaze penetrating hers. She wanted to tell him. He messed up. Killed people when he knew she didn't like it.

Only a monster did that.

She wanted to say it. But, she couldn't. Something inside her, wouldn't let her.

"Why do you want me tell you that so bad?" Elena pushed and it went silent. She stared Damon down and he turned back to the liquor in front of him. He poured another glass and took a huge gulp.

"Because then I might finally get it"

"Get what?"

"Don't you see, Elena?" Elena felt a headache coming on at Damon's cryptic words.

"See what?!" She yelled but it didn't effect Damon at all. He was waiting for her to yell, to be angry. Even cry.

"If you say I'm a monster, I'll get it. If I hear from the one person that I love more than anything. If she thinks I'm a monster, that she can't help me, be saved, I can finally stop having _hope_ " Damon explained and it hit both of them harder than expected.

"I can finally stop being something I'm not. I tried to change for you, I wanted too but I can't" He took a breath, "I need you to tell me I'm a monster, Elena" Damon turned back to her and took a few steps closer. She backed away from him and hit the wall.

She thought Damon was being seductive, playful, even in a time like this but when he stood an inch from her face, his eyes showed nothing but despair and heartbreak.

 _Can I break Damon's heart like that? Both of ours?_

She didn't know. The moment it slipped out that Damon killed Aaron, all the love she felt was replaced with anger. That human boy didn't deserve anything he got. He didn't deserve the torture and murder from Damon and Enzo.

He was innocent. He was supposed to get the life she didn't have. Marriage. Family. Grandkids. Grow old. Die.

And, it was all Damon's fault that he couldn't.

"Fine" Elena moved. She moved out from Damon's grasp against the wall and instead stood behind him. Damon turned to meet her eyes and when he did, she didn't want to say it.

His eyes were broken. He was waiting for the moment when his love told her she hated him, that he was a monster and there was no hope for him.

She had to be strong.

"You're a monster, Damon Salvatore. You killed an innocent boy and I hate you" She seethed. Your true feelings are always exposed when your angry or sad.

She meant it but she _was_ sorry.

Sorry that they weren't different people. Sorry that they didn't grow up differently or were even vampires. Sorry that as much love they had for one another, it would never be enough.

Elena turned away from Damon, not wanting to see what his eyes held. The pain. She couldn't see what she just inflicted on him.

Damon looked to the floor as Elena turned her back on him. He was glad. He didn't want her to see the tears forming in his eyes.

His father. Stefan. Caroline. Bonnie. Jeremy. Matt. Tyler. Elena.

The family that he hated to say he grew attached too. Everyone thought he was a monster. The only person that never thought that was Lily, his mother but she was long. She would be ashamed.

Elena's tears fell as she walked over to the door. What she wanted stood less than a foot away from her but it wasn't what she needed. It wasn't _good._ It only causes harm for everyone. Their relationship would eat them from the inside out. There has always been more drama and pain then happiness.

The beginning of the end.

"You know what? No!" Damon snapped and turned back to Elena. She whipped around at Damon's voice and the anger on his face.

"If we're going to break up, were going to discuss _everything_ " He demanded, "We both need closer to move on" Damon grabbed the bottle of Bourbon and went over to one of the leather chairs. He sat and gulped on the bottle as Elena huffed and came over. She sat across from him on the couch.

"You want to talk about _everything?_ " Elena asked.

"Yep"

"From the moment we met or after the break up?"

"The break up" Damon said as Elena nodded. The fire rose back up inside her as the thought of everything.

"You want to know why we broke up, Damon?" Damon rolled his eyes at her question. The answer was obvious.

"Sure, Elena" He humored her.

"Because, you wanted to act like a martyr even though you always yell at me for doing it. So, you broke both of our hearts and then Katherine stole my body. You being you, took back what you did and apologized, which I would have taken you back but instead you were rejected because you wallowed in self pity. Then, while my body was being taken over, Katherine seduced Stefan, made him believe it was me and you tried to kill my brother and _actually_ killed Aaron" Elena said as Damon nodded, trying hard to make those walls of steel go back up.

"Have you ever thought that maybe none of this would have happened if you didn't listen to the ghosts of your past? Because if ignored them, we would still be together, Katherine's plan most likely would have feel through, Aaron would be alive and Jeremy wouldn't hate you. Have you ever thought about that Damon?"

"Yeah, Of course, Elena. I do every second. You think that I don't regret what I did?" He snapped and took another drink of the Bourbon.

"I know you regret it. That's not the problem. The problem is you keep _regretting_ the same thing. If you _regretted_ it so much Damon then it wouldn't constantly happen because if you _regretted_ it enough, then you would change" Elena's tone got angrier with every 'regret'

"Then, maybe your right. Everyone's right. I deserve everything I'm getting" Damon stood up and Elena waved her hand in the air at him.

"See there you go again-"

"Shut up Elena!" Damon snapped, turning back around facing her, "I am so sick of your save the world attitude you always have! You can't save everyone! And, you can't save me!" Damon threw the Bourbon into the fire and Elena jumped.

"What, are you scared of me now?"

"No"

"Yeah, whatever you say Elena" Damon turned back to the stairs and once again heard Elena's voice stop him.

"Your running away again, just like you do all the time" Elena rolled her eyes as Damon came back, putting his hands on the back of the couch, his face inches from hers.

"You wanna talk about running Elena? About being a coward?" Damon smirked before it turned into a scowl, "You have a lot of nerve. All you've ever done is run from me. You ran to Stefan but always ran from me. You ran to Klaus but not to me. You ran to the excuse of Aaron dying, to not face what you feel _once again._ All you've ever done is run from me, Elena. You're a hypocrite. I deserve to be able to walk away from you by now" He spit and Elena _did_ realize how hypocritical she was being. She is doing the same thing as Damon.

"Damon-" Elena started, looking into his eyes. He put a finger on her lips, silencing her.

"No, Elena. You don't get to defend yourself because there's no way you can. You are and always have been running from me, from us...and now _I'm_ running" Damon took his finger away from her and once again turned away.

Damon turned away and walked up the stairs. He was trying to leave her behind, but when that person has been in your life for years, it hard to let go. Especially when you love them.

* * *

Elena sat on the couch, her legs tucked under her. Indian style. She didn't know what was wrong with her. Why she couldn't let this go. She let the Enzo thing go but why not this?

Was she really running? _Again?_

Elena didn't know. All she knew was that she still loved that man upstairs, even though she didn't want too, and she was furious at the same time.

All she knew was that they were bad for each other. But, Damon was right. She _was_ being a hypocrite and They _did_ need to talk. Even more than they did.

It was time to rehash buried feelings.

Elena got up from the couch and marched upstairs. She knocked on the door and heard Damon mumble something to himself so low, that she couldn't hear it. Moments later, the door swung open with a fake smiling Damon.

"What can I help you with now, Elena?" His shirt was completely off and Elena couldn't help but glance over it. Before she let her thoughts turn _very_ inappropriate about her ex.

"Your right. We need to talk" Elena said.

"We already did"

"No, we didn't. We talked about part of it. We need to actually talk about our _feelings_ " Elena stressed as Damon leaned against the door frame.

"Elena, I didn't call for a therapy session and I don't want one" He smiled.

"Well, your getting one" Elena said. She went under his arm and into the room as Damon turned around and shut the door. He sighed, knowing this would be a long night. He should have brought Bourbon. Damnit. Elena walked over to the bed and sat.

"Say what you want to say, Damon"

"Excuse me?" Damon said, walking over to the dresser. He couldn't be _that_ close to her when she was sitting on his bed. She was basically screaming to pin her against the mattress and make her forget the reason for the break up.

Yeah. He was _this_ close to snapping.

"You wanted me to say what I wanted, now say what you want" Damon just tilted his head at his love and pursed his lips.

He wanted to say it but he shouldn't. It would only hurt Elena' feelings. It would only hurt her.

 _Haven't you already done that?_

A voice inside his head said. He shook it away and stared at Elena.

"I want to hate you so bad..." Damon started, "You doing the one thing I always feared and at the same time, knew you would do. You would walk away from me. This one time I want you to fight for me and you don't. All the times I've save you even when you didn't deserve or want it, I still did because I love you. And, you didn't fight for me. It makes me want to hate you but I can't" Elena's eyes filled with tears at the realization, Sometimes I wish i never met you Elena but then I think about how better you've made me but I hate loving you sometimes. It's more pain than happiness" His eyes reflected pure agony and Elena hated that she was the cause of it. Why couldn't they be easier? Why could it be easier like when Stefan left?

"You act like your better than us but you're a vampire too. You act like you don't kill and feed. Need I remind you about the waitress at the diner? Or, Connor? Anna? I use to think you were an angel, that you were perfect, you had no faults. Completely perfect for me but thank you for making me realize that truth. You used me and my brother for your gain. You toyed with us. Even when you didn't know who you would pick, you still kissed and played both of us. If you were confused, you shouldn't kiss one then go to the dance with the next. You shouldn't break up with one and sleep with another the next day and you _definitely_ shouldn't almost kiss one while in a relationship with another" Damon spat and Elena's eyes widened in shock.

"Yeah, I know all about it Elena. I saw you, I _watched_ you, lean into Stefan not even a few weeks ago, if you don't remember, Stefan didn't have his memories, you were by the river and when he leaned in, you did as well. Thank you for showing me your true colors, Elena Gilbert. You are the thing you feared most, you _are_ Katherine"

Elena's eyes filled with tears at Damon's words. She didn't have anything to say about Damon. She couldn't hurt him anymore.

"I'm a monster and your Katherine. So, it shouldn't be too hard to go sleep with Stefan _now_ "

"You don't know anything Damon" Elena squeaked out, "I don't have feelings for Stefan anymore" Damon shook his head at her, she still never uttered a word about almost kissing Stefan while they were together. Typical Elena. Changes the subject or acts like it never existed.

He shook his head and started to tune out this whole conversation when he heard the thing he was waiting for.

"When I was helping Stefan.." Damon scoffed at Elena's definition of 'helping', "I saw a flash of the old Stefan, the one I loved and for a moment I felt a flash of those feelings. It was wrong and it should never have happened but it did. I felt that flash of confusion again. We didn't kiss and I realized at the last moment that I couldn't do it. I love you and I wasn't about to throw us away for a kiss. I turned Stefan away and told him I was with you"

"The point is, Elena, you shouldn't have been confused or had to second guess it for a moment! If you loved me like you said you did, you shouldn't be leaning in to kiss my brother!"

"Fine!" Elena screamed. She bit her lip and looked to the floor, "It doesn't justify that I did but I was jealous! Katherine was back and these things of Amara came up and I was so scared and jealous. There was _another_ doppelganger. I was pissed at myself for doubting you. I thought that once there was a new doppelganger, I thought you would leave me. She didn't have all that baggage that I did. Maybe she wouldn't be confused with you and your brother. Maybe she would just love you so I was mad and Stefan was there. Before we kissed, I backed out at the last second and decided that I loved you, I wasn't going to do that but when Silas made sure that we knew Amara was his, I felt guilty for my jealousy so I didn't tell you. In no means does it justify what I did but I wanted to tell you why"

"You should have had more faith in me, Elena. You were and still are the only woman, the only _doppelganger_ that I want. Just I did with my demons of the past, you almost let your insecurities destroy us. Just like me. Neither of us are innocent" Damon said and Elena nodded.

They didn't want this to end but it had too. For now, at the least. If they were meant to be, they would find their way back to each other.

Elena felt a weight being lifted off her shoulders: As did Damon. Elena calmed and Damon stood, facing the mirror. She cried. She cried for her. She cried for Damon. She cried for their relationship.

Elena's phone rung and she picked it up and put it up to her ear.

"Hello?" She answered in a hoarse voice.

"Aaron's alive" Both ears perked at the news and made eye contact. They both breathed a sigh of relief, at least one good thing came out of this, they both exposed their true feelings.

 _We always survive._

* * *

 **I was in the mood** **for a little Delena angst. I thought that was a pretty good cliffhanger. I always hated how the show portrayed Elena in some holy light when she's** **has done the exact same things other vampires have done too.**

 **They never talked about the whole** **Elena/ Stefan almost kissing, which really made me mad.**

 **But, I'm not saying Damon isnta** **saint either. They both made mistakes they were once again** **brushed under the rug by Julie.**

 **Hope everyone enjoys!**

 **Review** **for me.**


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